Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

April 27, 2010

Okay, okay---so, it's time for me to confess. Urrrrghhhh. How do I say it? Well, I guess the easiest way is to just put it simply, bluntly. Here's goes... I have been feeling lonely. I have been feeling very SINGLE! 

There. It's out in the open (that feels rather vulnerable). I hope I'm doing the right thing by opening up about it! Please, allow me to expand, because my hunch is, I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Let's see, after a few years of contentment and peace in my singleness, over the last month or so, it's finally crept up on me. At first, I couldn't quite put my finger on it: I was experiencing emotions and feelings that just didn't seem to add up. I couldn't explain them. They were very conflicting. It was all very foreign to me.

Confusion.
A desire to be by myself (my introvertedness coming through).
Yet when I was alone, I felt the desire to be around people.
But then when I was around people, I still felt this strange longing and emptiness.
My normal, refreshing solitude time seemed painfully alone, unsettling.
Discouragement.
Sadness.
Random sobs would break through without any explanation.

After a few days of this, I explained my conflicting feelings to a friend who simply listened well and prayed for me. (She had no answers or solutions. Prayer was enough). And by God's grace, through her prayer it became very clear what was going on (Yay, God!).

I felt a deep longing for a husband and the lack of one in my life. Rather than feeling hopeful or trusting God's plan in this area, I began feeling discouraged and rather depressed (not fun at all!). And on top of that, I felt embarrassed that I was feeling this way. I don't know if you ever feel this way and I don't know what you do about it if you do, but here's what I've been doing...

Asking for prayer, being honest with friends about it, sitting with God--talking with Him, crying with Him. I'm not pushing it away. I'm not trying to pretend I'm stronger than I am. And guess what!!!

God in His faithfulness has really blessed me! I've found that I'm not the only one feeling this way (I shouldn't have been surprised). I've found great comfort in my friends who know what's going on. I've found encouragement. Trust, hope and joy have been restored. Yay!

Jesus loves me. My friends love me. I have family that love me. Every day is a gift from the Lord full of His promises and opportunities and I want to make the most of them!!! I don't want to be consumed by what I don't have, but rather with what I do have right in front me! And if/when God would like to bless me with a godly man to love and serve together with, I'll take him. Until then, I will trust Him. He knows what's best and I certainly don't want any less than HIS best.

Single or married, I desire to seek God wholeheartedly and love others as best I can. I'm so thankful for HIS Spirit and HIS grace, because I know that I cannot do it on my own strength! Boy, do I need Him.

So, friends, that about sums it up for now. I hope I've made sense (hehe). I hope that opening up about this struggle is an encouragement to at least one person. You're not alone.

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:16-19

• The Proverbs are to teach us wisdom and discipline.
• The purpose of wisdom and discipline is to teach us how to live a certain way - "rightly, justly, fairly."
• Right living results in all sorts of blessings.
• The opposite of wisdom is foolishness, which leads to a life of destruction and trouble.

November 2, 2009
I just watched a super encouraging video of my dear friends, Ashley and Beto Lagunas, who are heading up an outreach team in Israel. The love they have for God and people is inspiring and God is definitely working through them! They've been there since around July and were originally scheduled to be there through December, but their funds are running out and might have to come back early. If you're interested in giving to their mission trip, you can give online at www.betashgarden.com. Your donation will allow them to continue spreading the love of Jesus in Israel (and is also tax-deductible).


Here's a video that will give you a tiny glimpse into what they've been doing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyQzXB3w0Zw

November 1, 2009
Every good and perfect gift is from above. -James 1:17a

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. -Psalm 103:2-5a

I will make you [mine] forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord. -Hosea 2:19-20

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. -Ephesians 2:8

Beautiful song/video about God's goodness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbi1yCdN8eg

So, as most of you know, God has deeply burdened my heart for the victims of sex trafficking - those who are bought, sold and held against their will for the purpose of sexual exploitation. Diving into this dark world has surfaced in me some pretty extreme emotions... anger, disgust, heartbreak, and despair; but these are also accompanied by a passion to help, a hope for change, and a joy in knowing Jesus and His unconditional, powerful and life-transforming love. It's an interesting season of life to say the least!

Hey, all! I just realized that I have not updated you on my trip up to Salinas, California. And since I can't seem to fall asleep, I guess I'll use this time to blog about it. So, here goes...

In two words, I'd sum it up as inspiring and humbling.

It was such a JOY to work with the preschoolers for 5 days... we sang and danced to fun songs about God, we did a creative craft project every day which usually incorporated a Bible lesson, I lead them in fun games that made them laugh and smile, and we talked about how much Jesus loves them. I didn't think my heart could fall in love with kids that quickly. It was so affirming to be reminded of how much I LOVE kids and that I was meant to make a difference in their lives...no doubt about it. It was so sad to say good-bye on the last day!

What made the week so humbling was to be served so graciously and supported with so much love by the local church. In preparation of our arrival, they prayed and fasted for us and the families we would be interacting with. During the week, they served us incredible home-cooked dinners and helped us throughout the day in many ways. And we had so much fun together! The instant bond we can have with other Christians is such a unique gift.

Oh, yeah... one of the reasons I was asked to go on this trip with the Migrant Ministry was to see in action what part the SMCC Small Group Ministry plays!!! So, earlier this year we asked the Small Groups at Shadow Mountain if they would put together what we call "Love in a Bag." These bags are filled with toiletry items like soap, toothpaste, a toothbrush, a comb, etc. etc. With the help of about 80 groups, we collected around 300 bags to give to the single men who live on the camps. As we gave out these bags, it was awesome to see this project come full circle--through the generosity of our small group members, hundreds of men were blessed with some much needed stuff. Yeah!

I think everyone comes home from experiences like these with ideas, refreshed perspective, and thoughts about what's next. Here are some of mine...

• I came home with a new desire to do a mission trip once a year or every 2 years. Maybe I'll return to Salinas next summer and hopefully see some of the same kids??? Maybe I'll get hooked up with an organization that works with rescued victims of human trafficking... Peru? Cambodia? India? God, where would You like me to go?
  
• My heart broke for kids and families who don't know Jesus and His redemptive love. I felt such an excitement in sharing who Jesus is, but along with this excitement came a deep sense of responsibility. That excitement and burden still lingers, which brings me to my next thought...
  
• I really want to get more involved in community service in San Diego or Mexico (since it's so close). Just don't know how yet. Praying for clarity and divine appointments.
  
• I also came back thinking once again, that I REALLY want to learn spanish! I took one semester of it recently, but didn't keep up with it. Maybe it's time to start studying and practicing!!!
  

I am really excited about something I feel God has laid on my heart. I’ve been thinking and praying about this for two months now and have finally decided to put action to my thoughts and prayers—it’s definitely a step of faith and I’m just going to see what God does through it. Here’s a little context to what I’m talking about…

About two years ago God began burdening my heart for the victims of sex trafficking and other forms of modern-day slavery. Over these years, my eyes have been opened more and more to the horrific realities of violent oppression that’s taking place all over the world—things like 5 years olds being bought and sold for sex, families forced to work 6 days a week, 16 hours a day for no wages, and teenagers getting kidnapped in foreign countries and brought to the U.S. to feed the sexual appetites of men here in the states.

Becoming aware of these realities has awakened a huge desire in me to help. I’m not exactly sure how God wants to use me, so I’ve been “getting my feet wet” in hopes to narrow the focus. One of the things I’ve recently done is volunteered with the Human Trafficking Ministry at the Rock Church (http://www.therocksandiego.org/ministries/trafficking/). We’ve gone out on El Cajon Blvd to outreach to women being forced to sell their bodies for sex. In the last three months, this ministry has helped four women get off the streets and start a life of recovery—amazing!

So, the big thing that I've been praying about and have decided to take a step of faith in: I'm hosting/leading 4 “Summer of Justice Meetings.” These meetings have 3 purposes: 1) spread awareness on the issue of sex trafficking and other forms of modern-day slavery, 2) educate people on how they can help, and 3) pray together for the victims, the perpetrators and organizations that are devoted to helping the oppressed. I'm so excited about this!!

So, I have a question for YOU! :O) Would you consider doing one or all of the following…

1. Attend one “Summer of Justice Meeting” (http://sites.google.com/site/summerofjustice/). The first meeting is this Monday, June 29 (see the link for the other 3 dates).

2. Share this link (http://sites.google.com/site/summerofjustice/) with anyone you feel might be interested in attending a meeting.

3. Say a prayer for me as I prepare for these meetings and wait to see what God does. :O)

Again, here's the link with details: http://sites.google.com/site/summerofjustice/

Thanks so much for your time and consideration!!! I really appreciate any support you can give!!!

Below is some scripture that really encouraged me today. I hope it encourages you too!

Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us...

A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time...

Finishing is better than starting, patience is better than pride...

Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what He has made crooked?

Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life.

-Above verses taken from Ecclesiastes 7


Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes... So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. - Ephesians 1:4, 6-7

Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice. Thank You, Jesus, for Your Word of truth, hope, and unconditional love! I would be completely lost without You! Happy Easter---You are risen!

My friend, Kyle O., just emailed me this great quote by Stanley Hauerwas. May it be a blessing to you, it was to me...

"Adventure requires courage to keep us faithful to the struggle, since by its very nature adventure means that the future is always in doubt. And just to the extent that the future is in doubt, hope is required, as there can be no adventure if we despair of our goal. Such hope does not necessarily take the form of excessive confidence; rather, it involves the simple willingness to take the next step."

And here are some pics from my recent adventure to the Grand Canyon. "One step at a time."

Willingness...

"If you are willing to trust and follow, there's no point in guiding you. Willingness is the key! Maybe that's why God remains so hidden. Surely God could make us do his will if he wanted--right? But why doesn't he make us do his will? Because he's waiting for our willingness."

"God has a plan to restore what has been lost and broken relationally, one willing life at a time."

"Jesus says, it's not religious observance, but willing relationship that God's after. What you must do is repent and trust in this good news."

"It's not religion that God wants. Relational revolution is what he's after. It's not about jumping through spiritual hoops; it's about living in intimacy with God and others, so that God can begin to heal and restore what's broken in our world. Life in God's kingdom is relational. The means and the measure of maturity is relationship! That's why spiritual maturity is not measured with how religious or outwardly righteous we behave. It's measured in how willing we are to trust God, do what he says, and let him lead us to become loving life-giving people to one another. God lives his life of love in us and through us as we're willing.

All quotes taken from Soul Revolution, by John Burke.

So, I'm once again reading another great book--I am so grateful for how God seems to be directing me to just the right books--books that hit home now that may not have hit home a year ago, books that have challenged me, shaken me up a bit, comforted and strengthened me and more. Yay! :)

I want to type out an excerpt from Soul Revolution, by John Burke, pastor of Gateway Church in Austin, Texas (where a dear friend of mine attends and works). I'm reading this book with my co-workers and discussing it on a weekly basis which has been so good!! It's encouraging to find that many of us struggle with similar things - I'm not alone! :) It's also been such a great way to grow together as friends and be "running partners" in this thing called life - priceless!

More about this book...it is based on an "experiment" that Gateway Church did. John Burke challenged his church to set their watches/cell phones/etc. to go off every 60 minutes for 60 days. Every time the beeper went off, they were to be mindful of God's presence and ask for His direction moment-by-moment. Many of the testimonies from their experiment are included in the book, but the book is so much more than just that. I'm lovin' it!

So, here's an excerpt that moved me because I so often expect to hear God in big, booming ways and then get so discouraged when I practically never experience Him in this way. John Burke offers another suggestion to how to hear God:

'We expect God to show up and communicate in big, dramatic ways, but God doesn't often speak through the obtrusive, commanding ways we expect. Rather, he speaks in unobtrusive ways -- in a gentle whisper that's barely discernible -- so quiet it can be mistaken for our own thoughts unless we listen closely. Why does he do this? Because he knows that people who don't seek his guidance won't listen anyway. What we need most is not more booming commands -- we've got those. We need humble, willing hearts, quiet and ready to listen and respond. "The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him" (2 Chronicles 16:9 NLT). When our hearts are in the right place, it's amazing how much clarity comes to mind.' --Soul Revolution, John Burke

Seriously, this is just one tiny way this book has been a blessing to me. I feel like I'm learning so much and most of all, am so excited about what God is doing in my heart and mind through it all. This 60-60 experiment has brought about a new found joy for the Lord and peace as I rest and trust in Him! Yay! :)

For more information about the book, click here.

Wow! It's been a long time since I've blogged! I don't have any big updates or lots to say, I guess. But I'm going to journal a bit about what God has been showing me, teaching me, prompting my heart and mind about...here goes...

• I am to trust Him. Trusting Him means pushing through my fears and doubts. It doesn't mean I ignore what I'm feeling, but it does mean that my fears and doubts are no match for God's strength and care for me! So, rather than shrinking in fear and doubt, I desire to lean hard in on God and His truth, be courageous and bold in life! Yeah! And it made seem elementary, but I cannot be courageous and trust if there isn't some element of challenge.
• "God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them...Such love has no fear." (1 John 4:16b, 18a) I'll let the Word speak for itself, so all I'll say is that I was very encouraged to recently reread this passage of scripture!
• I recently looked back on the few years of my life and I think that I've taken more of a defensive - "Survival-Mode" stance--feeling like I've taken a beating and all that I can do is try and protect myself, rather than taking on an offensive response. And when I say offensive, I don't mean a combative one. What I'm referring to is my relationship with God and pursuing His dreams and plans for my life. Rather than dreaming, hoping for, believing in His blessings, I've just kind of been waiting with my fists up, so to speak, ready for the next blow. Maybe that 's what I needed for a season, but I want that season to be over and I feel like I've taken steps in changing this stance. I want to deeply and intentionally pursue God and His plan for my life, with hope in good things! I want my arms to be open for His goodness.
• My eyes have recently been opened to the facts of human trafficking and has left my heart deeply burdened! My heart breaks for the millions of victims of this horrific crime. I must get involved...prayers, financial support, volunteering, etc. Reading about the perpetrators and their "business" just convinces me more and more that Jesus is the answer. We are a fallen world in need of a Savior! I pray for the victims and perpetrators -- that they would find the peace and wholeness only found in the saving grace of Jesus!

Well, those are some of my thoughts, very unedited, so if it didn't make much sense, that's why. :)

Hope you have a wonderful day, friends! With love....

Carolyn

I'm in the middle of reading "The Shack" by William P. Young and have been deeply touched by a couple of quotes and, as a whole, the dynamic and beautiful relationships portrayed in this book have widened my heart and mind to the sweet intimacy we can and do have with the Creator, Savior, and Spirit of God. I don't want to give anything away, so I'm keeping my thoughts pretty general and won't post "spoiling" quotes, in case you haven't read the book yet. So, the following two quotes have been taken from "The Shack"...

"Honey, there's no easy answer that will take your pain away. Believe me, if I had one, I'd use it now. I have no magic wand to wave over you and make it all better. Life takes a bit of time and a lot of relationship." (page 92)

"Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." (page 97)

Man, that last quote there really hits home!!! I hope I don't sound like a broken record to those who've been on this journey with me the past several years, but to be honest, because of the pain I've experienced from the unsettling and unexpected events in my life, I do feel like my "wings have been clipped." And I'm afraid of them growing back to the point where I can "fly" again for fear I'll be smacked again, wings clipped, and down I fall.

Needless to say, my trust in God's plan for my life isn't quite as solid as it used to be. That's a sad thing to admit, I know. But I also know that God knows where my heart is and He has and is going to continue nurturing me, mending the places that have been broken, and restoring my wings at a speed that's not too slow and not too quick. His timing is best and I'm grateful that He is patient, compassionate and tender.

Hey there, thanks for reading my blog! I hope you're encouraged by today's entry...So, I have been reading an incredible book that has had a pretty deep impact on my heart and mind. It's challenged and comforted me on many levels. I have experienced God's gentle love and been reminded of the mightiness of His grace. I am so grateful for books like these, aren't you? What have you been reading lately? I'd love to hear about it!

I was recently sharing with a friend that I've been going through a season where God's Word just doesn't seem to impact my heart and mind like it used to. Is that shocking, or sound unChristian? Well, it's the truth. :) But on the other hand, books like the one I've been reading lately (Abba's Child, by Brennan Manning) has focused on God's character and His word in a fresh and inviting way to me. It has cut deep into my heart. So much so, I sometimes read almost an entire chapter in tears, grateful for my Savior, deeply connected to my Heavenly Father, and reaching out for my Abba, my Daddy.

So, I thought I'd type out some of my favorite quotes from this book (there are so many, but I'll limit it to just a few). Here goes...(all quotes taken from Abba's Child, by Brennan Manning)...

"Jesus reinforced His words with deeds. He was not intimidated by authority figures. He seemed unfazed by the crowds' complaints that He was violating the law by going to a sinner's house. Jesus broke the law of traditions when the love of persons demanded it." (page 141)

"Hope know that if great trials are avoided great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." (page 105)

"The demands of forgiveness are so daunting that they seem humanly impossible. The exigencies of forgiveness are simply beyond the capacity of ungraced human will. Only reckless confidence in a Source greater than ourselves can empower us to forgive the wounds inflicted by others. In boundary moments such as these there is only one place to go--Calvary." (page 68)

"The miracle of the gospel is Christ, risen and glorified, who this very moment tracks us, pursues us, abides in us, and offers Himself to us as companion for the journey!" (page 109)

The moment must come when you must jump from your perch of distrust, leaving the next of supposed safety behind and trusting the wings of faith. You must be like a young bird beginning to test the air with its untried wings. At first you may feel as though you will fall to the earth. The fledgling may feel the same way, but it does not fall, for its wings provide support. Yet even if its wings do fail, one of its parents will sweep under it, rescuing it on strong wings. God will rescue you in the same way. Simply trust Him, for His "right hand sustains" (Psalm 18:35). -Excerpt from Streams in the Desert, L.B. Cowman, July 13.

i'm thankful for:

- faithful friends
- blue sky and warm sun
- a great job
- country music
- my family: dad, mom, danny and jay
- joy and hope
- music
- new beginnings
- lessons even if it means we have to go through hard times
- smiles and hugs
- YOU! :)